Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Season 2, Episode 1: Reiteration

With the impending new year just around the corner, it's easy to lose yourself in retrospection.

When I consider where Nicholas and I were a little over a year ago, sometimes it makes me want to go down a spiral of panic. If anything, we've gone backwards, farther away from what we want and somehow become even deeper trenched into where we don't want to be. Somehow, this good ol' Small Town Trap has become even more like quicksand than I ever imagined. It truly does grab at you the more you struggle to escape.

As usual, though, I find myself failing to study the lessons I've learned and instead focusing on my failures. Which is why, I'm trying to direct that attention somewhere a bit more productive - to the future.

It's just a number, yeah, we all know that. Just like your age is just a number. The point being there's still meaning to it, usually meaning you assign. I'm alright with being lame and following the herd by making a few resolutions. The fact that a good chunk of mine are common ones shared by many doesn't bother me. This kind of goes into one of my favorite arguments, "just because it's popular doesn't mean it's automatically bad."

So why not list them, eh? In no particular order...
  1. Become more healthy.
    • Get back down to 145lbs.
    • Eat vegetables/fruits at least once a day.
    • Complete a six week strength building course.
    • No more soda (Pinkie Pie voice) FOREVER.
  2. Continue to not be pregnant.
  3. Learn how to play at least 5 good songs on ukulele well enough that you can bust it out while drunk at parties.
  4. Save 3k again. Somehow. Magic, probably.
  5. Quit smoking. I know I said these weren't in any order but this should really be number one.
  6. Go to Chicago (even for a visit).
  7. Leave Ludington. As in, stop living here. For real.
  8. Make at least one video per month.
  9. Finish some form of writing (script, short story - not really picky as long as it's more than 10 pages).
  10. Continue doing whatever is necessary to maintain current relatively stable mental state.
  11. Take Eevee for more walks, at least once a week even if it's yucky.
  12. Never shave my armpits again.
  13. Get a driver's license.
I mean, that's pretty comprehensive I think. Don't want to go too overboard or else you won't be able to do it all. I usually make like, one to three resolutions on the night of New Years itself but I'm going to try something different this time. 2015 is the year of the Carly Ka-t, man. I'm feeling it. I'm fucking so ready to just grab life by the testes and twist 'em around and growl threatening shit in it's ear like, "I'm gonna fucking destroy your collection of tiny porcelain figures, bitch!"

In the near future, I intend on actually beginning some new projects and will likely post them here. I don't think I'm going to spend a lot of time blogging about crazy shit in my past like I used to - I'm actually getting pretty good at moving on and not dwelling on useless stuff. I'm a good person. I smile even when people scream at me and when they walk away, I try to imagine what could have made them so upset that they decided to vent it at me. Usually, people are all just dealing with their own shit and we have a tendency to forget that those people we bump into, just for a few minutes, have an entire world of their own problems they're sloshing through as well. I'm relieved to be in a place now where it's not too difficult for me to remember that. Letting things go has become easier. Looking ahead is less terrifying. And my creativity is finally starting to come back. Now when I lay in bed, I find myself groping for my tablet every five minutes so I can write some idea or joke down. It's like I'm becoming my true self for the first time.

I'm so thankful that 2014 is almost over. More importantly, though, I'm excited about 2015 beginning. Let's see where the next 366 days (it is a Leap Year, after all), leads us.

I accomplished a majority of the things on my resolution list in 2015. I'm still quite proud of that.

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