Tuesday, October 11, 2016

the money problem

for literally the entirety of my life, my family has had a money problem. we are poor, always have been, always will be. well, i will, anyway. and my mom. but that's besides the point.

recently our car insurance was cancelled because we'd fallen behind on payments. i'm going to have to literally scrape to pay our mortgage and even once i do that, it will be behind by a month yet again. my mom's social security income is now being given to some fuckwad lawyer who did almost nothing besides trick my mentally disabled mother into signing some fucking stupid contract I never saw until they started demanding money. best part about this person who was my mother's "representative" during the application process? the paperwork they submitted was incomplete so I ended up having to refill all of it out and send a completely new copy. which they immediately accepted. because my mom is very disabled. yet somehow despite her being determined unfit to handle her own money, she can sign a contract that agrees to pay someone several thousand dollars??? that makes sense

and of course I missed the deadline to appeal this shit because I'm fucking busy and sickly and everything is garbage. so now besides not being able to afford shoes for work that don't have holes in them, or any more food for the remainder of the month (i guess it's good there's a lot of meat in the freezer?), we'll just have to keep pinching pennies and praying we don't get evicted. life is great

of course i've used every resource i can. i've borrowed money, I'm working 40 hours a week, i'm trying so fucking hard but despite all that, we're still drowning. now that we don't even have my mom's measley $500 a month, it's like we're drowning PLUS an additional stone was tied to our ankle. i give up. i really do. I don't know what to do anymore. every time I fill out some form, it's one step forward and two steps back. it's impossible. i don't even want to go to the doctor because the $20 copay is too much. i hate everything

i hate everything and i'm tired of trying so hard and having everything just continually get worse. maybe i should take up cutting again. wouldn't help but fuck who cares anymore

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